An Open Letter To The Food Service Industry

Dear Food Service Industry,
I want to tell you, first of all, how much my family loves the service you provide. My kids are French fry-aholics and thanks to living in the south, sweet tea runs in our veins. 

We spend way too much of our hard earned cash choosing between Mexican & Italian & American & Asian…between sit-down & take-out & walk-up & carry-out…between places with the all-day breakfast & places that stay open literally all day. 

We love local flavor & grain-fed beef & free-range eggs & farm-raised anything.

In short (or long???), we love food

Plain & simple

We need to eat & we love to eat & we are so grateful for the chefs & the burger flippers & the fry droppers & the salad tossers…we love the hosts & the hostesses as well as the servers of all shapes, sizes & sexes. And the bartenders??? Well, they are just an added bonus. 

Without you all, we would be, (aside from probably each being 20 pounds lighter) hungry & unhappy many times a week. 

You remove from me, specifically, the burden of deciding who likes what, figuring out when everyone (or even the majority?) will be home, as well as keeping me from having to peruse Pinterest on the regular to find recipes that will be photo worthy for my friends & family to be jealous of (after all, what is social media for if not a place to show our “friends” how much better our lives are than theirs????).
But, I digress.

Here is my dilemma:

Please, someone, for the love of all food prepared in this great nation of ours, explain to me why in the burger-flippin’ world there is an age restriction at MOST of your establishments for people to order from the children’s menu????

It is, according to my observation after raising 5 children who now no longer qualify for said children’s menus, that the main, if not often the ONLY, difference between the menu for the youngsters & the menu for the adults is the AMOUNT of food actually being served. 

Have any of you that actually make these decisions taken a look around the good ol’ U. S. of A. recently??? 

Have you not noticed that “muffin tops” no longer actually referring to the literal top of a baked goodie anymore? 

Have you been unable to see our rapidly expanding waistlines as well as our much larger donations to the medical profession???

Can you not see, as you clear our plates & provide to-go boxes in all shapes & sizes that we RARELY ever even finish the amount of food provided by your establishments???

I understand that some of your meals aimed at little people come with drinks. I will remind you, however, that you are already making huge profit margins on those beverages, I feel quite sure. 

I also realize that some of your establishments provide buffet meals. That’s a whole different issue and, honestly, an entirely different blog topic altogether. Consider yourselves exempt for the purposes of this piece. 

Why should we be forced to order more food than we want, or even NEED, to eat???

Why is it not acceptable to CHOOSE to request a smaller portion of food for whatever reason? 

Cheaper price?? Okay

Smaller portions?? Okay

Dietary restrictions requiring less food be consumed?? For the love of God, also okay. 

Just REALLY want our food served in a paper car with crayons & a plastic cup?? Okay, okay & okay. 

We should ALL be able to voluntarily decide to eat less food, or even just WANT nuggets & fruit as our option. 

We should ALL be able to enjoy a meal out without being forced to either eat it all, throw some of it away, or carry around some sort of portable food container for the rest of the evening. 
Bottom line, we should all be entitled to be kids if we choose. 
Just some “food for thought” for your consideration. 


Basically every person everywhere 

And so there is that


To my son, as you turn 21…

This guy.    

21 years ago, he made me a momma. 

I have failed him in a million ways. 

I have broken his trust. 

I have caused him undue pain. 

I have hurt his heart in ways no child should ever endure. 

I have forgotten to pick him up from places. 

I have lost track of schedules & time & important things. 

I have thrown away things he wanted to save and I have misplaced others in places they might never be found again.

I have watched him love his siblings. 

I have watched him love others. 

And I, so thankfully, have watched him learn to love himself. 

It has been a narrow, winding road to 21 Taylor.

It has been painfully real, brutally honest, and heartbreakingly crushing at times.

I have had to watch you hurt & you have done the same with me.

And yet.

Your love for me is endless. 

You never fail to say “I love you“.

You still call me just to say hello. 

You hug me no matter who is around & you never make me feel unwanted, unloved, or undeserving.

I know what a gift this is.

You are more than I could have ever dreamed you would be.

You make me proud for so many reasons.

I will never be able to repay you for your generosity, your honesty, or your love for me.

What is so lovely is that you would never expect me to anyway.

You can’t ever walk far enough away that my love & feet won’t follow.

You are you & I wouldn’t want you to be anyone else.

Never forget the One who designed you.

You are fearfully & wonderfully made & I am proud to call you my son.

Thank you for 21 years of unwavering love.

I love you, Bubbs.

(Now, if you could just improve your aim for the laundry hamper, that would be great ❤️)

And so there is that…

An open letter to the middle-aged mom…

I see you. 

I see you at the park, walking the track trying to wish the muffin-top calories away while the younger moms push littles on the swings and play chase. I recognize the relief that you are not needed to play such a pivotal role at the park, and yet at the same time I see the misty-eyed way you watch and remember “those days”.

I see you at the waterpark & the pool, trying to keep an eye on your oh-so-independent kids, while trying to negotiate whether to sit closest to the gorgeous young moms in bikinis or the pregnant moms that look more similar to your current body shape. I sense you trying to decide if the swimsuit you finally selected is current enough to make your middle school kids not want to walk 10 feet apart from you....I get it, I really do. 

I see you grocery shopping more slowly, trying to remember who will be at dinner that night since some work & some are away with friends & some just don’t want to join you at the table for meals anymore. 

I hear the insecurity in your voice as you try to have meaningful conversation with your now-nearing-adulthood children. I recognize the quiet way in which you ask how things are going because you don’t want to be thought of as prying…and yet not asking is risking that they will think you don’t care. 

Every part of motherhood feels risky.  

I see you at the pharmacy refilling your prescription for the hormones that will hopefully keep you from snapping like a dead twig (and ending up with a mugshot that shows up when your kids Google your name years from now).

I see you on vacation by the pool alone because all your people are “tired” or “bored” or so engulfed in technology that you can’t pry them out of the hotel or condo or house. 

I see you all over

When do I see you the most?

I see you every time I look in the mirror and notice a new crease or wrinkle or “beauty mark”.

I see you because I am you too.

I am right there like you, looking back wondering where time went, while looking ahead wondering how much time is left. 

I am with you at the park & the pool…the grocery store & the pharmacy…I am asking the same questions in the same timid voice to the same almost-adults hoping for the same connection. 

In many ways I am you & you are me.

We feel like we have lost so much time and we wonder have we done enough or held on enough or let go enough. Have we BEEN enough??

But, oh my friends, look what we have gained. 

We get to have dinner out without high chairs or kids menus. 

We don’t have to grab a stroller and struggle with its set up and its take down to go each & every place. (Side note: If you need ANY & ALL kids products, The Upscale WeeSale is THE place to get them! Check it out!!)

We get to do girls weekends without worrying if someone is using too much breast milk while feeding our baby back at home. 

We can read more & travel more & think more. 

We get to discover a new person buried deep inside the cloak of mom &, looking in the rear-view mirror we call experience, we get to decide who she is & how she acts & what she does. 

We get to have spontaneous pedicures & lunch out alone & we get to browse the aisles of the library that are actually made for adults. 

We get to forget anything & everything & our clothes don’t have to necessarily be in style & we get to laugh at our own jokes & cry at sappy movies & and we get to blame it ALL on being older & WE DON’T EVEN HAVE TO CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS.

We get to look back on these people we have given our hearts & souls for, some of us even our careers for, & we get to watch them grow & thrive & become amazing adults. 

We did that

We need each other, friend

Right around the corner or in the next cubicle or even sitting in the next row over on Sunday is someone just like you. 

Someone who has just wrapped up years of clipping Box Tops For Education, packing mediocre lunches & attending sports events, performances & awards ceremonies. 

Right near you is someone who could use a lunch date or a day trip to the beach or just a meaningful conversation about life.

Someone just like you

And someone just like me.

Let’s be for each other what we need for ourselves. Let’s grab the phone & set up a lunch or a movie or better still, just a talk. 

Let’s make sure we all come out of this thing called motherhood feeling good about ourselves & holding our heads high. 

We each have our own tales of our successes & our failures…and nothing validates motherhood like sharing our stories and realizing we are truly not alone. 

Let’s make this next phase of life the best one yet. 

Get to it, friend. 

Adventure & friendship awaits. 

We are all in this thing together

And so there is that…

from the inside…

band aid I recently had an emergency appendectomy.

It obviously wasn’t how I had planned to spend that Wednesday night, and coupled with the fact that it happened literally the night before my beautiful daughter’s graduation from high school, the timing was not opportune.

But, the body, often like the heart, does what it wants & my body decided to send an eviction notice to my appendix, effective immediately.

Surgery was fine.

Recovery in the hospital was fine.

Getting home & settled & taking meds & resting was fine.

I am fine.

And yet, I’m not.

I still move so slowly. I haven’t been cleared to exercise or lift anything. I tire easily & I feel disoriented at times & I just can’t seem to feel like myself.

And sometimes, even on a really good day, my wounds are sore to the touch. They look good & they are healing nicely, but they ache & remind me of what happened.

I was talking with my mom recently about how I felt & she said so simply, “Remember…your body is healing from the inside also.”

So simple.

Yet, so profound.

This was a fact that I hadn’t really considered. 

I knew my scars were healing nicely & so I was basing my overall healing on the look from the outside. I was disappointed that I wasn’t able to do all I normally could do or act like I normally would act, even though, from the outside, everything seemed to be just fine.

There is so much of life that seems to work in this seemingly reverse process. This process where things look just fine & seem to be healed, & yet when someone presses just right, the wounds ache & remind us of where we have been & what has happened.

And that’s okay.

We are allowed to heal at our own pace. There is no manual that dictates what stage of healing we must be at in order to be “normal” or “okay”.

Sometimes our healing is happening on the inside.

Sometimes the world is hurtful & we make foolish choices & we suffer immensely for those decisions.

And sometimes, things just happen…things beyond our control & out of our hands & our hearts hurt & our wounds are gaping.

Sometimes, we heal so well on the outside.

And yet…

Sometimes, someone comes along & their words press just right & our wounds ache & remind us all over again of where we have been & what has happened. Sometimes, we still move slowly & even on a really good day, our wounds are sore to the touch. They look good & they are healing nicely, but the ache is there as a boomerang back to the moment of injury.

And all of that is okay.

The hurt keeps us humble & the tenderness reminds us of our humanity.

Sometimes the ache is a glaring reminder of what hurt us & sometimes it is a gentle nudge, reminding us of what we survived.

We all have hurts & we all have wounds & we all recover from the injuries of life at our own pace.

Sometimes we move so slowly. Sometimes it hurts to lift anything & shame is a heavy burden that others place on us. Sometimes we tire easily &  feel disoriented & we just can’t seem to feel like ourselves. 

And wouldn’t it be amazing, if, in the midst of all that,  we just gave each other a little grace? If we just said to our people, “I see the pain. I know you are healing & I know you are tender… but look how far you’ve come.” Could it even be possible to smile & hug someone that’s hurting & look for ways to help them?

Wouldn’t it be life-changing if we just looked past the superficial surface & heard the hearts of our people? If we allowed humanity to be, well, human. If we stopped setting expectations & guidelines & time-constraints on life’s injuries & we just listened closely & closed our mouths & opened our arms wide & took in the injured & recovering & damaged & bruised with only love & patience & empathy.

And what if we could do it all without ever inserting our opinion?

Wouldn’t we all heal better in this way?

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to touch our own wounds every now & then as a reminder of the power of the human body & spirit, & even more importantly, as a reminder that we all heal better when we are touched gently & with grace.

and so there is that…







7 {Guaranteed} Ways To Ruin Summer Break

We have all done it. 

At some point or another, we have all over-planned, under-planned or just had no plan at all. 

Here are just a few personal suggestions to think about not doing to help make the most of the time your little people are underfoot this summer break:

1. Think about the upcoming school year even once before August

Listen, school lets out for a reason. Fa-get-ah-bout-it for awhile. Soon enough you’ll be arranging schedules & planning carpools. May sucked the life out of us all with testing & graduations & teacher appreciation & end-of-the-year crap. Let June & July have their moment to shine. August will be here demanding our full attention & our lunch account money & our signatures on countless forms before we know it. Don’t blink. Wait it out

2. Look at other people’s vacation photos thinking, “I wish I were there.”

 Here’s the thing: You AREN’T there, so get over it. If you wanted to be there you should have planned ahead, saved up, packed, & gone. And you didn’t. We are ALL capable of planning a trip. We are ALL capable of foregoing a daily coffee or newspaper or sweet tea or whatever to save for a family trip or girls trip or solo trip. Some did and some didn’t. Don’t hate your neighbor or your relatives or even your enemies because they had the foresight to plan ahead. You gain nothing from that except frustration & inner turmoil. You decided early on “namaste here this summer”, so stop hatin‘.

3. Make a summer “academic” schedule

For the love of all things good & lovely in the world, let the kids have a break. It truly is possible for them to burn out before school even starts, and often we are the ones lighting the fire. There are a million plus things our kids can learn over the summer that are not “academic”. Teach them to load and unload the dishwasher properly. Make sure they can make a bed & empty the trash & do a load of laundry from start to finish. It’s actually even okay for them to spend some time mindlessly staring at the television or a screen of some sort. It’s called relaxing. So, relax. 

4. Look at “her” in a bathing suit with disgust because you don’t look like her.

 I realize this one is a touchy subject, but I’m just gonna risk offending everyone and put this out there: Pool/beach bodies are conceived in the fall, nurtured in the winter, birthed in the spring & adored in the summer. 99% of those people didn’t just get blessed with good genes. They woke up, ate well, and made taking care of their bodies a priority. It’s ridiculous to be upset with someone for having something you don’t when they put in the work you didn’t. And wearing jealously looks worse than an ill-fitting pair of yoga pants. It’s never too late to start. So, put down the bag of chips, grab the kids & take a walk. At the very least you’ll show the little people it’s important to get moving. There’s no better time than the present. 



You can finish reading this later. 

5. Make your kids get up and go to bed on the same schedule they do during the school year. 

 Routine is important.  There is no denying that. But, one of the greatest parts of summer break is staying up a little too late and sleeping in proportionally late in the morning. Your child is not going to become a elementary/middle/high school drop-out simply because they passed bedtime a time or two. Everything in moderation. Let them have a sleepover or two, even if it makes you want to pluck your eyelashes out with a pair of dollar store tweezers. They are only little once. Let them be little. 

6. Insist that everyone wear matching shirts on vacation. 

Listen, before all you Cricut/Etsy/Craft-making people pitch a fit, hear me out. I’m gonna focus on the word insist here. If your kid/spouse/significant other desires to walk around Disney World looking like you all just walked out of a copy machine, that is just fine. Just don’t force feed them on the idea. We all have that one photo of ourselves where we are wearing something someone ELSE insisted upon. Don’t let this summer be the one your family looks back on with eye-rolling regret. It actually IS possible to have a successful family photo without everyone matching, or even coordinating. Sometimes I’m just grateful all my tribe even gets in the frame. I’m gonna let that be enough for me and I highly recommend it for you also. And if everyone wants to match??? 

Go. For. It

I’ll still double tap your pictures because it will make me smile, I am sure. 

7. Make promises to your kids.

 There are few words likely to bring about the feeling of hearing, “but you PROMISED!” 

Promises are a recipe for disaster.

The words “I promise” are often the only words we speak that our people will remember we said, they are almost always attached to some event we really don’t want to do, and we will be reminded we said them at the absolute most inopportune time. 


Wait?? I PROMISED to take you fishing TODAY? (It will currently be pouring). I PROMISED take you shopping Friday??? (It will NOT be a payday).  And are you CERTAIN I PROMISED to get ice cream from the ice cream truck the very next time we saw one?? No matter WHEN or WHERE?? (You will have zero cash…just like last time). Instead of saying I promise, just open the front door and slam your foot in it a few times…the result is a lot less costly & painful & your little people never even have to know. 

Now get out there and do summer right
And so there is that…

Summer Break



Today is technically the first day of the summer break from school. Yesterday was Memorial Day and Daddy’s birthday and the entire week previous was filled to peak capacity with graduation and graduation parties and family in from out-of-town and out-of-state.
And, in the middle of it all, my body decided it was time to evict my appendix. 

No written warning.

No 30 day notice.

Not even a small hint ahead of time.

So, here I sit, on the first day of the summer break from school and I am not able to drive or lift anything or basically do much other than walk around like an invalid.

So these kids that live here?

These little humans that need food & shelter...what have they done today?

The eldest went to work.

The second eldest slept until late, went to lunch with friends, filled out yet another scholarship & took me to get my grossly neglected unibrow waxed.

The others?

One has played video games all day long. He has only emerged from his cocoon on the couch in his room to forage for food & beverage. He did his chores at my promoting, and immediately resumed the aforementioned posture. I checked for a pulse and he is indeed alive & well.

The two smallest littles have made slime…again. They have been on FaceTime with friends basically the whole day. They have been rotting their brains with YouTube videos and Netflix and all sort of nonsense.

All. Day. Long

One just came out and uttered these actual words: “I am making a surprise. Are baking soda & baking powder both necessary if the recipe calls for it?”

Go with God was my response.

And they, also, are still among the living.

I am scrolling trough Facebook and Instagram and I am bombarded by vacation videos & pictures of someone’s trip to somewhere.

And it quite literally, is the first day of the summer break from school. When did these people even have time to pack?

I am not knocking those who have travel plans from late May through the eclipse in August.

I have no hate for those that keep each & every day filled to capacity with stimulating activity.

I am amazed at some people’s ability to do it all & go to it all & be it all.
But, the truth is, I am taking the summer off. 
I am taking this break seriously.
I am planning to sleep more & read more & watch the grass grow & the kids grow & my patience grow.
I plan to honestly break from the busy life & turn my back on the Joneses I have fought so hard to keep up with.
I want my people to learn the art of play. I want them to find the satisfaction in finding a way to occupy their time that is not directed by another person. I want our home to be a place of rest & fun & escape.
And if that means binge watching Netflix, bring on the popcorn.
If that means we have less pictures of picturesque scenery & more selfies from the couch, I’m okay with that.
I am giving myself & my people permission to take a break this summer.
So if you are traveling all summer, go with God & our blessing. Have all the fun that the world has to offer. Shut down every event & venue & have fun beyond your wildest dreams.


We will be here ordering take-out & taking naps & yes, making still more slime.

We will be here cheering you on & gathering our wits about us for the school year to come. We will like your photos and double tap all those cute pics of your people at the beach…or the mountains…or both.

Your way is okay & our way is okay.

And so there is that. 

An open letter to the young mother I met at the beach

BeachI don’t think I actually saw you until around day 5 or 6…

Shamefully, that’s the honest truth

Even though our husbands had been swimming and fishing together some part of each day and even though I was sure you were around somewhere, I just didn’t see you until it was the day before you went home.

It’s possibly because I had my face stuck in a book…yes, I had time to read a book…

You looked beautiful…I am sure you will disagree, but you did. You wore your motherhood like a fine gown. Your suit was stylish and your cute baseball cap made you look like a magazine cover. I am sure you struggled with even finding time to get dressed for the beach and I am sure the hat was probably more for lack of time to style your hair than for sun protection, but you looked adorable…seriously...

I already knew you had  littles…I had seen your boy playing with my kiddos in the water day after day…chasing the waves and asking his daddy tons of questions about fishing and bobbing up and down and  in and  over and under the pulsing ocean… I am sure it was unnerving every time his head went under the water waiting for him to resurface.

I didn’t see your sweet little girl until that same day I became aware of you…I loved watching you chase after her and keep her occupied in a place that held lots of potential danger.

I loved your zest and your zeal and your sunglasses…yes, I really loved your sunglasses.

(Mine are prescription and they are old and too expensive to replace…So, I really was taken in by your cute sunglasses.)

You looked so together…Your parents were there and you told me y’all were making Beaufort Stew that night for dinner…It sounded yummy and I secretly thought about following your sweet family back to the rental house you were staying in to sneak some for myself.

We talked about the dangers of swimming in the ocean, and kids growing up, and how tiring being a mother to small humans is.

We talked about sunburn and where we each lived (I nodded when you said you lived in Elloree familiar with the word, but not it’s actual location) and how much you needed and were enjoying this vacation…  You said how much you longed to actually sit at the beach and read…like me…(I was literally standing in the ocean having this conversation with you while my book was still in my hand)

I remember telling you how tired it made me just watching you care for your little people…How I knew that I must be getting old because watching them run around made me tired… you chased after them and kept them from danger in the waves and made sure they had adequate sun protection… and food… and drink…and entertainment…

And I had time to read a book...

You commented ever so sweetly how you couldn’t wait until the time when you could finally read a book on the beach and I chuckled and said something about it being here before you knew it…

And when you left our conversation, you and your family packed up the magnanimous amount of stuff it takes to bring a family with littles to the beach…You packed up the tent and the cooler and the toys and the kiddos and you gracefully herded everyone to the cute little golf cart you rode back to the rental house…

And I had time to read a book...


While it looked like I was reading, let me tell you, sweet girl, what was actually happening.

I was actually sitting in my beach chair, I am sure looking quite relaxed and subdued, wishing I had remembered to bring the bathing suit top I had actually purchased to bring to the beach…the one I wasn’t 100% sold on but bought anyway just so I wouldn’t wear the same one I had worn for the last several years. I was wondering how smashed up my hair was going to be from being under that hat all day…that hat I was wearing because, even though I had time to fix my hair, I just wanted to get to the beach to watch my littles play.

I was also watching my tribe play in the water…asking their daddy tons of questions about fishing and bobbing up and down and in and over and under the pulsing ocean...It was unnerving every time their heads went under the water waiting for them to resurface.

I was thinking how I wished I had your zest and your zeal and your sunglasses…yes, I loved your sunglasses that much…

I was slowly turning pages and thinking about the dangers of swimming in the ocean, and about my kids growing up, and about how tiring being a mother to teenagers and adolescents is…

I was constantly re-reading the same sentences and thinking about sunburn and where I lived and how much I needed and was enjoying this vacation…I was also thinking about how grateful I was to be able to sit in a chair by the lapping waves, and yet how a part of me was jealous that you had littles to chase and build castles with…

I was also thinking about the danger of the waves…and wondering if my kids had on adequate sun protection…and food…and drink…and entertainment…

Yes, I had time to read a book…

But I really did very little reading...

We don’t ever stop mothering...

We don’t ever stop worrying and wishing and dreaming and wanting the best for our kids…

The grass always looks a little greener somewhere, sweet friend.

But, it’s only our vantage point that changes.

Embrace these moments…they won’t last forever and they will be in the rearview mirror of that cute golf cart before you blink.

You are investing wisely and wonderfully in the future of our world…and even when you doubt your self-worth or your abilities or even your swimsuit and hat, you are doing well, my friend.

Keep on getting after motherhood. Every day is a choice between living and existing…I watched you live at the beach and I am a better person for it. You reminded me of the brevity of childhood and the importance of being present in each and every moment…

You reminded me of me…ages ago…and today also…

You are enough, young mother…

Your contributions are enough and your value is enough and the only yardstick with which to measure yourself should be the one your Creator alone made for you with the wood from the cross He hung on.

The days will pass and the tables will turn and you will be sitting in the chair watching littles play and envying the sunglasses of a stranger…

All while some young mother thinks you are reading a book. 

I hope someone shares this with you. I sadly don’t recall your name. But I will remember your face and your hat and yes, your sunglasses, forever.

And so there is that…



Letting go…

Can I just be transparent? 

Today feels overwhelming

I am doing laundry & thinking about dinner & picking up the thousandth stick the puppy chewed up & still haven’t showered. 

It feels like there is about to be a rushing flood of water carrying life fast-forward into the future, & this momma’s arms are all that are holding back the floodwaters. I am pressing in & squeezing tightly & the pressure is so strong. 

I have my littles walking the halls on their very last  days of elementary school next week...the last days of elementary school forever.


I have a child, on this very day, walking the halls of her high school for the last time…the last time forever as a high school student. 

It’s all a blur, these years of raising children.

 I dug out the old family photos today looking for some pictures for the graduation party & can I just say those old, actually-printed-on-paper photos simultaneously make  me feel so old &  so young.

Pictures of all my littles when they were, well, actually little

Pictures  of me when I first started teaching & I first started being a wife & I first started mothering & I first began to realize that my life, the one that I lived for my own pleasure, was drastically being shifted towards the needs of others. 

Pictures that transported my mind to places long forgotten & memories & dreams  sheltered quietly away in the far recesses of my heart & mind. 

Pictures of times when I was just certain that I had it all together…that nothing could slow me down or shut me up or sway my journey.

And yet, life has has a way of catapulting me at times to places & events & situations I never would have chosen or things that were out of my control. 

Real moments

Real stuff . 

Real pain. 

Real joy. 

Somehow I have allowed myself to believe that Pinterest & Instagram & Facebook are real life….That those are to be the gauges by which I see whether I measure up to the level of success of others. 

It’s a lie, & yet, I find myself everyday falling for it. 

I find myself wondering why I selected that bedspread…why I have those clothes…why I haven’t been to eat there…why am I not using essential oils, & treating my face to amazing skin care products  & lounging around every day in buttery leggings? Why is everyone else a “pampered” chef & I’m just regular ol’ me putting food in the oven covered in garlic & lots of prayers. 

The list is endless

Because she does

And she does. 

And they do. 

Every year, they do. 

Please tell me I’m not alone. 

I feel like I have thrifted  my way through life…always searching for a way to save a dime or two. Always selecting “cold wash” & “air dry” & “no drink with that” & cheap sandals & cheap purses & cheap clothes. 

Always searching for the better deal &  the cheapest way. 

And yet, lately, I have begun using dishwasher pods rather than pouring in the proper amount of detergent myself &  I have been filling the laundry detergent to the top line, every time, no matter what size the load, because it makes the clothes smell so good.

I have learned to love boutique shopping & hate chain restaurants & I have started to look myself in the mirror each day & remind myself that I am fearfully & wonderfully made & that I am not a failure because I don’t look like her or act like her or live like them. And that I am NOT, and never will be, the sum of my failures.

I have learned to love myself for who I am rather than for what I’m not

I have determined through heartfelt soul searching & sometimes painful conversations within my own head & often through reckless abandon of status-quo that I am okay

And being just okay is okay

I have dreams I have learned to let go of.

I have hurts I have had to do the same with. 

I have wrestled within my heart to be the best version of myself today & I realize that may not be the version I am tomorrow. Or a week from now. Or next year. 

But hopefully, each version will be better than the last.

I will still heart your pins & thumbs up your vacation photos & double tap your dinner plate. 

But it will be because I love those things or those people or those foods. 

I will never again allow myself to be pulled with riptide strength into the vortex of comparison. 

Because I am not you &  you are not me & we were never meant to be each other. 

We were meant to love each other & laugh with each other & hold our neighbor up when life rips the rug out from under them. 

And sometimes we have to love  ourselves as we love our neighbors

And if that means the simplicity of dishwasher pods or filling the detergent to the top line so the aroma pleases us or buying better sandals, better purses & better clothes, well frankly, I think we deserve it. 

Life is better when you learn to love yourself

And so there is that…

To the girl in seat 17F

airplane seat

I’m sorry.
I don’t really know where else to begin.
I’m sorry that I didn’t take the time to notice what an obviously terrible day you were having before I asked if you wanted to switch seats.
Thank you for saying yes.
I’m sorry that whatever dreams and plans you had didn’t work out, and that you found yourself moving back home, broke and “in so much trouble”...your words…and I’m sorry that it obviously broke your heart and made you feel like a failure.
I’m so sorry that when you placed a facetime call to your mother you didn’t hear the words you wanted. I don’t know your history with her. I don’t know any part of the story so it would be unfair for me to take a side with either of you. I do know that your mother probably loves you more than you’ll ever know…even if the words she said, yes the words that we all could hear, didn’t convey that message to you.

You heard her words, I heard her heart.
I’m equally sorry that when you called several friends, you had to relay the story quickly of how the person that was supposed to purchase your plane ticket for you didn’t…and how that left you alone at the airport, after a $60 Uber ride, without a way to get home. I’m sorry that you had to put out $600 for your one-way ticket back to your new/old life.
I wish I had been brave enough to strike up a conversation.
I wish at some point you and I had made eye contact so that maybe then I could have found some words of comfort for you. I’m sorry that this world has let you down. I’m sorry that all you could do was be sad, lean up against the window, cry, and sleep.
Can I just be honest?
I was flying home from an amazing trip. I was with my daughter and we had just enjoyed an incredible 6 days together, hanging out and making new friends. Selfishly, I didn’t want to have to take my thoughts off what I had just enjoyed…not even for a stranger possibly in need.

I’m so very sorry for that.
I’m mostly sorry for this: I’m incredibly sorry that when I heard you say, “Why does God hate me?” on the phone, that I didn’t interrupt you and assure you that God could never hate you…that His love for you is so big and so far-reaching and so complete…and that there was nothing you could ever have done to change that.
I’m so sorry that you possibly left that plane believing that God didn’t love you.
I have prayed for you since then. I have asked God to forgive my selfishness and to wrap His arms around your heart, heal your wounds, and provide the things you desire and need in your life.
And I believe He will.
And I’m sorry if my lack of effort delayed that process any. I hope, should you ever read this, that you will find it in your heart to forgive me.
Because I truly am sorry.
and so there is that…